Running away from responsibility

So. Winter is ending and your hibernation instincts are dwindling. You want to be outside instead of working. So do it. But make it productive and go for a run. I started running in the fall of 2005 when I probably weighed over 250 pounds... so don't tell me that you can't run or it's not fun or it's too hard. Short of real injuries, you're just being a baby. ANYONE can run. You put on shoes (or not) and just run. The key is NOT to care. Don't care if old ladies are zooming past you. Don't care if people are staring at the sweat dripping down your back. Don't care if you think your gait looks stupid. Don't care if you are breathing like a consumptive Parisian prostitute after her last cigarette. Just run. Put one foot in front of the other and don't stop. If you are patient and go slow, you will amaze yourself. And perhaps find a new (healthier?) way to avoid that mounting pile of chores.

I'm back...

So... I am back from procrastinating about my blog and have decided to start up again. The last time I posted I mentioned that I had just begun teaching myself how to knit. Well, in the 18 month hiatus from this blog, I not only became a proficient knitter, but I became good enough to sell a few items. Here's a picture of me in my chunky garter stitch cowl. See--procrastination is worthwhile.

Pro-craft-ination

So... I just started knitting. This is THE ultimate procrastination activity. I feel so productive when I knit, that it hardly seems fair to call it procrastination. But of course that's the point, isn't it? So turn all that time wasting into a scarf or mittens! I really decided one day to learn to knit. I went to Purl Soho and bought size 10 bamboo needles and two balls of yarn (I don't know all the lingo yet, so apologies to knitting pros). Then I went home and got online and found tons of helpful videos.

The best site is:

http://www.knittinghelp.com/

But there are some good youtube clips as well.



Enjoy!

Read Aloud!

One of my favorite things to do at school is to read aloud to my kindergarten students. I just finished reading Pippi Longstocking to them and have begun George's Marvelous Medicine. I have decided that I want to be part of a movement to make reading aloud popular amongst adults too! I encourage everyone to waste a little time reading aloud to a loved one this week or weekend. Curl up in bed with a hottie and Bleak House. Take turns reading chapters to one another. Consider it stimulation for the mind. I think we will all be surprised by how fun it can be to plow through a classic aloud. And if you don't want to fill yourself up with Dick... ens, try something else: Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, or Crime and Punishment. Who knows, maybe it will inspire some kinky fantasies before bed...

Fan-atics! Lun-atics!

So... I have recently decided to dive into one of the deepest, darkest, most bountiful mines on the internet: the world of fan fiction. To be quite honest, I'm not sure how long I can stay down here. It's full of coal, but once in a while I do stumble across a diamond.

If you decide to take the plunge, be sure to bring a canary... it's a dangerous place.

Here is a real gem, an excerpt from a "21 Jumpstreet" story called "Heat Wave" by a poster named St. Mission. A "Jumpstreet" refresher: Tom is the character played by Johnny Depp and Doug is Peter Deluise's character.

Before Tom knew what was happening or what he had just been warned about, Doug was on top of him, pinning him to the floor by straddling his waist. There was no time to protest or even to try fighting him off, for Doug was quick to start sliding two ice cubes along his partner’s stomach and chest, paralyzing Tom from the sharp cold.

“Doug!” he shouted, soon finding his limbs to be functioning again to shove Doug off of him. He wasn’t successful. “Doug, stop!”

By now, he was giggling as his partner’s hands glided over his glistening skin. It was quite exhilarating, to say the least. When an ice cube encircled his nipple, he let out a pleased gasp and arched upward. The hardening of his areola was an unexpected stimulant, and despite his apparent lack of energy, he felt himself becoming absolutely and undeniably horny for Doug.

I don't really know what to say about that...

...except, "AWESOME!"

Later I was shocked to discover what were the most popular shows that fans wrote about. On fanfiction.net (a veritable encyclopedia of fan fiction) there were six television shows that had over 10,000 stories/scripts written about them or their characters.

1. Stargate: SG-1--21,582
2. House, M.D.--16,105
3. Stargate: Atlantis--14,928
4. Gilmore Girls--14,851
5. NCIS--14,345
6. One Tree Hill--11,635

Who are these people? I didn't know that 14,000 people watched NCIS, let alone wrote fan fiction about it.

I was devastated that only three "Punky Brewster" stories had been posted, and they all sucked. One was about Punky B. getting her appendix taken out: BORING! None even came close to touching the real episode when Cherie hid inside a refrigerator while playing hide and seek and almost suffocated! Remember all those great PSA episodes in 80s sitcoms? Were a lot of children dying from locking themselves inside discarded refrigerators back in the 80s?

I was also surprised at the dearth of "Twin Peaks" and "Golden Girls" stories. Only twenty-nine "Golden Girls" stories, one of which was an African-American version of GG called "Black Gold"!

It almost seems unfair including reading fan fiction as a form of procrastination. It's really more of a paid vacation... so take a break, put your feet up, and enjoy!

http://www.fanfiction.net/

Go to the Library (of Congress)!

This is a site that I have used for years, but it might be one of the most underutilized sites given the amount of information it holds. It is the entire catalog of the Library of Congress! The best part is that you can view rare film footage they have and their extensive collection of photographs, maps, pamphlets, etc. For example you can browse their collection of photographs from 1920-1930 and type in Alabama, and it will call up every picture they have of Alabama from that time period. This is THE best resource for historical research that I know. I can waste hours on this website.

When reading Auntie Mame (the main character supposedly lives at 3 Beekman Place), I found a photograph of an apartment at 5 Beekman place taken in 1928, the year in which the novel begins: AMAZING!

Get touchy feely with America! Become an obsessive compulsive patriot! Do anything but work!

http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/index.html

How Popular Are You?

Why not track the popularity of your name and the names of your loved ones instead of brainstorming for that ad campaign? Find out if your name has ever been in the top 10. Mine hasn't, but it has been slowly creeping up in popularity. The wonderful people that track all of this information...
...our very own Social Security Administration!

Enjoy.

http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/